I don't know exactly when it was that things changed. I have no idea why.
One day, I was a regular, normal person. I'd like to think I was nice enough.
It seemed like it was all of a sudden that the changes happened. I was so irritable. It took almost nothing to set me off. I had so little patience with my children and boyfriend. To this day, I'm still left reeling, wondering what happened to the old, nicer me.
I read a Letter of Apology to a husband from a wife that really hit home with me. These words the author spoke, I could've written them to my own boyfriend:
"I’m sorry that I act like it’s your job to read my mind. I’m sorry I make you feel like you can’t win for losing. I’m sorry I criticize the lunches you wake up early to pack for the kids as being “too snacky” and the outfits you dress them in as inappropriate for the weather."
Most of the time, the crazy gets out before I can stop it. Sadly, other times I know I'm being irrational but I just can't stop myself.
My boyfriend is easily distracted. I think he's partially deaf. It takes him 3 times as long as me to complete the same simple task. Those things drive me crazy, and seem to affect so much of our daily life.
But those things shouldn't matter. There's a bigger picture here.
He bathes the girls by himself every bath night. He dresses, changes, and cooks for them, often without being asked. He hands over his paychecks without question, keeping very little for himself. He sits through episodes of Sex and the City and follows the plot. He lets me sleep in anytime I want. He gets the girls ready and takes them to daycare by himself when I don't feel great. He always does the dishes. He will happily join me in a cleaning marathon every now and then. He usually goes along with anything I want to do. He rarely complains when I turn down suggestions of things he wants to do.
To sum up, he's pretty much amazing when it comes to everything. But the little things bug me. I need to get better at this. I don't want to be this mean person I've become.
2 comments:
I think we have all been there at some point in our relationships. Sometimes it is just really hard to see the big good stuff when the little tiny annoying stuff is what's bothering you RIGHT NOW!
I went through that phase with Hubby. Luckily it was in the beginning of everything and we weren't married yet. I think, for me, it was leftover baggage from past not so great relationships. I eventually got over it for the most part. I still get mad at him for dumb things sometimes, but before I wouldn't talk to him for days. Now I'm to the point that I hate going to bed mad, so I'll talk to him after a little while. Good luck, Venassa.
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