I've been a 'single mother', for about as long as... I've been a mother, actually. I knew I'd date, and at some point maybe even date someone with children of his own. A year ago, I did not see myself in a serious relationship at this point in my life, with a step-child added to the mix, but that's my life.
Let's pretend this is a play, and I'll lay out all the details for you.
The Cast:
Controlling mother (me)
Laid-back father (boyfriend)
16 month old only child (Chloe)
2 year old child with a different sibling at each home (Madi)
The Summary:
Madi has a full-time brother (3 years) at home, recently diagnosed with autism. She learns a lot of her behavior from him - like the hitting, extreme fighting over toys, and tantrums. All kids do it, although her tantrums are unlike anything I've ever seen (personally) in any other children.
Chloe is in turn learning to hit, bite, and fight back, both in general self-defense, but sometimes just to be mean.
But parenting babies is quite simple, when you think about it. When they hit and bully, they get disciplined. Whether that be through time out, or depending on the severity of the act, just a general eye-level 'no'.
The Sequel:
Fast forward a couple of years, and we will have children, not just babies. They will be doing worse things than just hitting each other. There will by lying and sneaking, and I don't even want to think about what else.
How do you know how to parent when you have one full-time child in the house, and one part-time child?
Do you follow the rule of 'my house, my rules', and make your own rules for both children to follow? Do you discuss rules with the other two parents so the rules are consistent?
Do you follow the rule of 'my child, my rules'? Which sounds like a decent option if the children in question were older and already knew what their rules were before the parents pushed them together?
Do you have a good cop/bad cop situation?
The thing is, there's no real answer, is there? We are two single parents with a child each, with completely opposite parenting personalities. Boyfriend is laid-back, and happy as long as everyone else is happy. He's not as concerned with the consequences of our actions. He gives in to a tantrum to end it, not thinking that giving in to them is what's causing them to happen more often.
I'm not sure if I'm a strict mother, but I recently realized that I'm a bit of a control freak. I want the girls to know what the rules are. Whether they follow them or not, I want them to at least know what's right and wrong, and what they will be punished for.
We both have to work on our parenting personalities. Boyfriend needs to be a little more in control, instead of letting the little ones control him. I have to learn to stop being so controlling, and let things slide every now and then.
As long as we're on the same page, this parenting a blended family thing won't be too hard, right?
If you're part of a blended family, share your story, and what works for you!
