Are You With the Right Person?

Someone posted this on Facebook, without any credit or anything. I'm not going to say too much about it, but I do like the message that it sends. Let me know what you think. 

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During a seminar, a woman asked,"How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

That's just life

This is the sequel to the earlier post "We Lost a Little Sleep". Last night we lost more sleep. 

Madi was up on and off starting around 11 pm, and waking up for the last time around 5:30 am. We are tired. We think (hoping and praying!) that she's growing some molars. I'm going to try to take a peek into her mouth tonight to see what the deal is. Drug her up with some Tylenol if needed. At least she's in a good mood in the day, this morning included. 

Pretending to sleep and snore in the car

While I mentioned before that things have been easy with the kids lately, things have also been busy. The girls have a slightly later bedtime than before. That, combined with boyfriend's work schedule and the girls waking up through the night, leaves us not only tired, but with a lot less time to spend together. 

Things have been getting boring and routine by the lack of quality time. I know it's a rut all parents get into. It was getting the point where we were together a lot, but it still felt like I hadn't seen him in awhile. We're working on it, and hopefully this weekend we'll have some uninterrupted time together. We might even get out of the house. We might even sleep through the night. Here's to hoping and praying. 

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The post where I get serious

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*The one where I get serious*

I've been upset over something for a few days now, concerning boyfriend and I. In true annoying female fashion, I haven't voiced this. Instead, I've been distant, quiet, snappy, mean, and whatever other mean adjectives you can come up with. 

In this time, I've learned a little bit about boyfriend. 

I don't know if he's trying to give me space, genuinely doesn't notice I'm upset, or if he's scared to bring it up.  This is day 5 of me being upset, and he only acknowledged that something was up yesterday. He said we need to do something fun, and that we're in a rut. He hasn't really seen me laugh in days. He's been cleaning more around the house. He's been helping out more with Chloe. 

Sometimes I wish he would just force me to tell him what was wrong, instead he hasn't even asked. 

Things have been 'off' lately. 

First Chloe wasn't feeling well, and so I was always tired and not sleeping well. There were two different evenings that he had friends over. There were a couple of nights when he worked late, and I was in bed when he got home. There were a couple of nights where he stayed up late watching stuff on tv that I had no interest in. 

So there's been no 'us' time, and how has he not realized that himself yet? 

Yes, I should voice my concerns, but I don't think I should have to tell him that spending actual time together is a relationship requirement. I shouldn't have to make him want to spend time with me. Shouldn't he be doing all that on his own? After 5 days of me being distant, shouldn't it be sinking in that something is a little wrong? Shouldn't he miss me by now? 

It's especially sad, because before this week, things had been so amazing. When things are good, they're great. 

Sometimes I wonder if little things like this will ever 'make or break' the relationship. We haven't been together overly long, so I like to think of situations like this as us working out the kinks in the relationship. Fixing up all the little details to make sure this is the real thing. 

But if the same issue keeps arising, is that what will eventually break the relationship? 

No, I don't think we're breaking up. Not even a little. We've discussed marriage. A couple of days ago he even spoke the words 'Maybe we could be engaged by then'. I'm just scared that this little hitch in our relationship keeps coming back. 

Happy First Anniversary to Me

One this day last year, my life was changed in a big way. More than I ever would've guessed back then.

I woke up next to a boy that I'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was one of those rare, amazing mornings when you have nothing to do for most of the day and just lay in bed talking. Those are my favorite mornings. By the end of the day, we were officially dating. 

So in celebration of that, some facts on us. 

10 Facts About Us

1. 

I'm older

If he was born 6 days later, we would be exactly 6 months apart

2. 

We're incredibly boring most of the time

When we have free time together, without babies, we have a hard time thinking of anything to do

3. 

We struggle with figuring out new meal ideas

4. 

Boyfriend hates cheese - and it's one of the biggest annoyances in our relationship

5. 

When we first met, immature people were spreading lies about us to each other

Luckily, we were smart enough to ignore the drama because that's all it was - lies

6. 

When the year changed from 2010 to 2011, we were both in the same bar 

celebrating with our friends, but still wouldn't meet each other for another year

7. 

We're both pretty much obsessed with ice cream cake

8. 

We've still never had a fight

9. 

We've only spent one night apart since he moved in with me in August - Christmas night

10. 

We pretty much always watch tv when we eat. It just feels weird if we don't. 

May 2012

July 2012

July 2012

October 2012

December 2012

December 2012

So Happy First Anniversary to us :)

6 of My Favorite Things About Boyfriend

I think I've watched too many romantic movies and read too many romantic books in my lifetime. I don't believe in love at first sight, in the slightest. I can understand feeling some sort of interest or maybe chemistry the quickly, but not love. I think you need to truly know someone before you can feel love. Still, I've always believed that if you were 'meant to be', there should be 'infatuation' from the beginning: always wanting to be together, always wanting to talk, always thinking about one another, etc. I've judged past relationships, and even my current one, based on those beliefs. I'm a crazy over-thinker.

The first night I met my boyfriend, I never had some crazy feeling, or attraction or pull or anything romantic. He seemed like a decent guy, and I could see myself spending time with him again. It didn't take long for me to like him, eventually love him, but even then I still had my doubts (overthinker). Surely 'real love' must feel bigger and stronger than that. Because of it, a couple of times I started to think maybe we had no future. I've finally come to realize that it doesn't work that way. Sometimes that overwhelming feeling hits you when you least expect it, long after you thought you already felt it. That feeling that pushes you past "I love you" and into "Ugh, now I'm one of those girls who misses you before you even leave. Gross."

(Hey, I can only be so romantic.)

Some of those little moments and little things about him that gave me that push:

- He's never taken a joke too seriously

No matter how much I've made fun of him, he's never gotten offended or annoyed (that I know of) and always jokes back.

- He cleans things without having to be asked

He did my dishes once without me asking. I thought he was sweet. Then I left him in my apartment while I worked once, and he did more dishes and even cleaned the bathroom. When the day came that he helped me clean and organize for the whole morning before he had to go to work, I was pretty much blown away. I'm now a believer in this 'Porn for Women' stuff. A guy who helps out = hottest thing ever. 

- He's pretty much the nicest person ever I'm not sure he knows how to really be mean. He says a mean joke every now and then, but really he'll do anything for anyone. I don't know if it's because he's so nice, or just because he doesn't know how to say no, so I'll stick with the former :p
- He tells me how awesome, pretty, etc, I am all the time And I'm all like 'yeah, I know. Shut up already.' Except I don't actually think that highly of myself, so sometimes it's nice to hear it. I'm bad at those things. I wonder if he knows how awesome I think he is. 
- He's just like me, but so opposite In some of the most random ways. We basically have the same horribly unhealthy diet, we watch a lot of the same things (minus all the girly stuff, I'm alone in that), we sometimes seem to have the same random thoughts at the same time. And then again, we're so different, in ways that work out perfectly.
- We don't fight I'm sure it's coming, but when he doesn't something to bug me, he's quick to own up to it and apologize (and I'm so great that I haven't done anything yet to bug him enough to bring it up). Any little thing we've disagreed on so far, one of us always gives in. 

I'm pretty sure I could go on forever. I know he's still pretty new to me and the 'annoyances' list will probably someday grow and things won't seem so 'perfect', but right now things are... well, kind of perfect. 

Time to take that next step and merge families

Way back in May, boyfriend and I first started toying with the idea of living together. At the time, it seemed like such a distant idea, but as we spent more time together and got closer, there started to be more conversations about 'if we ever live together'. 

After both of us taking a look at our own finances, we finally had a real talk about it happening sooner rather than later. Then we discussed a potential time frame for when he could officially move into my place. We still had 'if' conversations for another day before he officially asked me if we could stop saying 'if', and I said yes.  It won't be for at least a month, but we're going to be living together. 

I know it will be really challenging at times. I'm not just moving in a boyfriend, I'm also moving in part-time 18 month old. New routines will have to be figured out. Night times will probably be harder, the apartment will be messier. Our parenting styles are very different. I like to be a little more in control when it comes to my daughter, where he's much more carefree with his. I want to teach my daughter not to touch things she shouldn't, where he has a hard time saying no. 

Yeah, it will be a pretty big adjustment for everyone, but I think the positives outweigh the negatives by a ton. 

It will be easier to spend time together. It will help us both out a lot financially. Neither of us will be 'stuck home' with a baby in bed if for some reason one of us needs to go out. We can be each other's occasional babysitter. He already said that he would keep my daughter with him on days that I worked and he didn't, which is amazing. 

I'm tired of missing him when he's gone, and not knowing which day I'll get to see him next. I really have a good feeling about this. 

"We need to talk"

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Lately I've been feeling a little... meh... when it comes to my relationship. 

Yeah, give me a muzzle and shut me up, it's boyfriend stuff again. 

It's just that's it starting to feel less and less like a relationship. 

Most days, we don't exchange a word at all, if we do, it's straight to business and it's done. If I try to even just text 'talk', it's like he humors me for a minute, then it's one-word answers and I stop. I don't carry on a conversation with one word replies. He's busy, I get it. But he used to talk to me. Complain about work, ask about my day, anything. Now it's just... nothing. 

Then I've come to notice that we don't talk a whole lot anymore when we're together. He's got a slight addiction to his phone, so whenever he's over, he spends a nice chunk of time playing around on his phone, and I just play with the baby. Then we watch tv. That's alllllllllll we do. When we're not watching tv, it's because we have both of our children and they're running/crawling wild and there's not much time to sit, let alone watch tv. And even then, we're mostly just talking to babies instead of each other. 

I usually only see him twice, maybe three times a week. I always see him the day he has his daughter, and usually one night after work he'll spend the night (like 11pm until 11am, insert sleeping). And if I'm lucky, I'll see him one other day, usually the other day of the week that he has his daughter. So our time together is spent a) watching two babies, or b) when it's past my bedtime. 

When my daughter goes with her father, and you would think we could spend time together, he's either at work until 11pm, or he has his daughter. There's no quality time in there anywhere. It's not quality time if I'm half asleep. Or actually asleep. He rarely takes a day off from taking his daughter (which is great, don't get me wrong), and when he does, he'll spend the majority of the day "cleaning" as he calls it, which is a whole lot of watching tv and video games. 

He talks of all the things he wants us to do the next time we 'have no babies', but that never happens. The list is growing and growing, but we never do anything. I'm not sure we've had dinner outside of the house alone yet. We made it to the movies once, but I had to find a sitter twice, because the first time he cancelled last minute because his ex made him take his daughter. When he's off work early, the time is almost never spent with me, and if it is, it seems like we always have to be with other people. 

So to sum up, we don't spend any time actually alone together, unless we're sleeping or about to. We don't do anything outside of the apartment besides shop or take babies to the park. We watch way too much tv. And we barely say a word to each other, together or not. 

Again, don't get me wrong, he is a great guy and I'd like to think this relationship isn't going down the drain. It does have its wonderful moments when we're all playful and laughing and I just can't wait to see him again. But the rest of the time it's all blah, and I wonder if I'll even see him at all in the run of a week. 

Is it wrong to want to feel like there's something real here, more than once every couple of weeks? To feel like I'm special, and not just a way to pass the time? 

I'm just tired of feeling like I'm always waiting for it to get easier. It's not going to get easier. Soon I'll be working full-time, and we'll have less time together. He might get earlier shifts at work. We might someday live together. I don't want to always feel like I'm just waiting for things to be great. Why can't they be great now? They used to be. 

I know I need to talk to him, but I just don't know where to start.

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Ps.. Don't forget to come back and link up your Adult DIY pins tomorrow! 

Once upon a time, I met a boy

When I first created this blog, I was single, but living with my ex (my daughter's father). Crazy, I know.

Then I moved out on my own with my daughter. This blog was going to be 'single mom diaries' style. Boyfriend is kind of getting in the way of that.

I was single and living on my own for a little over a month when I got a message on an online dating website. By that point, I was mostly fed up with online dating, so I didn't pay much attention to the message, plus I was away visiting friends for the week. I was pretty indifferent about the message, and the guy, but I responded. It was probably a pretty lame response, maybe even showing my disinterest, but whatever the case, we both had daughters and easily fell into a conversation about babies and such.

For the first time in awhile, I was having an easy back and forth of messages with a guy I met online. Soon, I was checking my messages on my phone when I got up in the middle of the night with my daughter. Not long after that, we exchanged phone numbers and became Facebook friends.

Finally, we made tentative plans to meet, on a night that he had his daughter. The plans got a little messy when my ex cancelled his plans to take the baby at the last minute.

But we did eventually end up meeting and I went on a first date with a guy I had never met before, and his daughter. Hopefully that will stay as the strangest first date I've ever had.

For some reason, I wasn't too nervous about meeting him. Maybe it was the baby ice breaker. I didn't feel sparks fly or any kind of 'love at first sight' crap, but I don't believe in that anyway. But we clicked a little. Conversation was easy, and we stayed at the fast food restaurant long after we finished eating.

Our first date didn't end with a first kiss. 

When he mentioned getting together a second time, I mentioned looking for a babysitter and he said we could just watch a movie at my place. I soon realized that he was truly okay with the fact that I had a baby and she would always be around. 

Our second date was just a movie at my place, a bag of chips between us for at least the first hour before it was moved and he pulled me a little closer to cuddle. It was late by the time we thought he should leave, so I decided to wake up the baby for her middle of the night feeding in hopes that she'd sleep again until morning and give me some uninterrupted sleep time. To my surprise, he stayed for the whole feeding, even though it took forever because she was distracted by him. I finally got her back to bed and he left, sometime close to 3am. This time he kissed me before he left. 

And I was really starting to like this sweet boy. 

So I apologize that this blog might not really live up to its name. 

And it was like I didn't really matter

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We had our first... discussion?

Boyfriend stopped by on his way to work to drop something off that I left at his place. We were just talking for a few minutes about his friend probably moving out of town to go back home and such. 

And he's said it a million times, so this isn't new to me, but it felt different. 

He'd rather live where he's from, an hour away. When we first met, his ex was thinking of moving there because of the cheaper rent. He only moved here for his daughter, so obviously if his ex and daughter moved, he would follow. He told me that the first week we met, and although I felt no real attachment for him then, the words affected me a tiny bit. I didn't want to get to know him if he was going to leave. 

Obviously he didn't leave, I got to know him, fell for him. He mentioned how much he'd like to move a time or two since then, and while I didn't say anything then, once he had me pretty upset because of how seriously he was considering it. I lucked out, because in April he found a new apartment, moved there, and finally seems a bit happier about living in town. I'm finally not scared of him leaving.

But that doesn't change what he said. Just another situation where he's too honest for his own good. 

He said that if he didn't have his daughter he would move back there, visit me on weekends, days off and such. This idea, this whole discussion was hypothetical, because he has his daughter and she's not going anywhere, so he's stuck here. And then he left to go to work, literally seconds later, before I had a chance to even  react. 

Almost 5 months into our relationship shouldn't I at least mean enough that even in a hypothetical sense he'd at least give me a second thought before moving away? It bugged me. A lot. And I knew it would bug me all day if I didn't say anything, so before he got to work I sent him a text, saying how comforting it was to know that he'd move away in a heartbeat if given the chance. He explained that he used to feel that way, and sometimes in a lot of ways he still does, but he wouldn't want to give me up and I am his second reason for wanting to stay in town. And he apologized, and was great about it. And told me he's been thinking a lot about us living together someday. And it did make me feel better. 

But at the same time, every time I start to feel secure and think things couldn't get any better, there always has to be these little steps backwards. Then I start questioning his feelings and start wondering if I'm kind of alone in this. 

And I hate it. Cause I've never felt like this about anyone before. 

The Words Were Finally Said

I had a wonderful weekend. Made even more wonderful when I heard similar words come out of boyfriend's mouth last night. 

I left baby girl with a new babysitter (hello nerves) Friday night while I went to work. The babysitter was late, a huge strike in my book, but her and Chloe seemed to get along really well. I had my sweater on, about to leave work, when boyfriend walked in. He was just getting off work too, even though he was supposed to be done two hours before. He was a little stressed so he asked to come over, then met me back home with food. We were quick to sleep that night, and off he went to work again in the morning. In the same clothes. Kind of like a less dirty walk of shame. 

I did a couple of groceries during the day since we had supper plans that night. He made burgers while I made potatoes and we both tried to get baby girl to sleep. She wasn't having it, so she had late supper with us before I finally got her to bed. Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch on me, so we had another night of just tv and sleep. 

On Sunday baby girl went to her father's. I stopped by boyfriend's place on my way home to relax for a few minutes before I went into cleaning mode. His 17 month old daughter was there and blew me a kiss when I was leaving. I cleaned the apartment and rearranged furniture like it was nobody's business. 

When boyfriend dropped off his girl, he came to my place, and we picked up Chloe. She went to bed easily (for once) so boyfriend cooked some store bought cookie dough and we ate cookies and chips while we watched Dexter. It was a nice night, where both of us were in good moods and feeling playful. Sometimes it's so nice to just be with him. 

We eventually went to bed, and sometime in the dark, in the wee Monday morning hours he told me he thinks he's falling in love with me. I told him I thought so, too. 

It was a lie. 

I know I am. I've felt that way for awhile now. 

Since I have no other photos yet of boyfriend and I,
here's one instead of my cutie's new favorite sleeping position

The idea of 'taking things to another level'.

"A Life of Our Own" is a name a chose thinking of how it's finally me and my daughter by ourselves, starting a life on our own. Technically speaking, I wasn't even completely "alone" when I created this blog, as I'd already been dating boyfriend for a little while. But I still think of it as me and Chloe and our new adventure together. 

I like that he enjoys being a part of our little world. It's very early on, but I'd like to think that sooner rather than later he will have his own role in this 'life of our own'. 

This isn't the first time the idea of living together has been brought it - the first time was about a month and a half ago. Today was the first time it was discussed in a bit more detail. It feels right to be discussing it as something that may happen in the future. At this point there have been no signs whatsoever that this would be a bad idea, but at the same time a lot more thought will go into the idea before it ever happens. This time around there are not one, but two children that will be involved. 

But if I judge him just on these past four months we've spent together, he will be a great "roommate" and male role model for my baby girl. He told me if I ever had no money, he would never let my daughter go hungry. He's not scared to play with her, to hold her occasionally. He puts his own daughter first - no matter what. While he has his financial flaws (impulse iPhone shopping, anyone?), his daughter and his bills come first. 

And I think of the fun things - like my daughter growing up with his. Tucking in two little girls at night. Tea parties, movie nights, going to the park. Bunk beds. Hair pulling. All the joys of having some kind of dysfunctional family. (And if we ever had a child together we could have our own story of yours, mine and ours.)

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here, and while moving in together may be somewhere in my semi-near future, marriage and family definitely is not and I'm not fooling myself and having great expectations. I'm just thinking of how it could possibly be someday. So far, he is the perfect kind of guy to think about having these things with. 

I'm in no rush to make living together into a reality, I'm a little scared actually, but it sure is fun to think about.