When I'm missing you this much, I drive your truck

Every once in awhile you find a song that really hits home. I mean really.

The first time I heard this song, my brother actually sang some of it obnoxiously, asking if I'd ever heard the  song. I hadn't. It came on the radio a few days later, and I immediately recognized the song. I knew what it was about, and I knew it would make me cry. It wasn't until this past weekend that I actually got to listen to it. And as predicted, it made me cry. 

Watching the video and reading the comments may have made it worse. 

The song is about a man who drives his deceased brother's truck, to remember him and ease the pain. 

I relate to the song, and not because I know anyone close to me who's died and left something behind, but because I know someone who's a little bit older, and through circumstances out of his control, will have nothing left to leave behind by the time he goes. 

One of my favorite people in the world is my grandfather. He's my father figure, always will be. He had a stroke November 25, 2010. I don't like to post links from my previous blog, but this is the post I wrote a couple of days after the stroke.

Since then, an uncle of mine managed to get Power of Attorney, without any input from the rest of the family. My grandfather never had a Power of Attorney in his will, so we still don't understand how this has happened. 

For legal reasons, I will leave my personal opinion completely out of this, and only state what I know. 

My grandfather spent his first couple of months after the stroke in a seniors home, after which he moved in with his sister. He spent all of his free time doing work on his house, just down the street. I know with all my heart that he couldn't wait to move back to his home when it was ready, he just needed my uncle to help make the bathroom usable again.

My grandfather can communicate a little, but he can't understand a regular sentence without a lot of writing and explaining, and he can't speak it, unless reading. He is literally unable to speak for himself.

Almost immediately, both of my grandfather's vehicles have been sold, as well as his tractor, and wood has been sold from land he owns. 

A little under a year ago, this particular uncle's house burned down. I can still find the news article from March 2012, and I will quote it "The exact cause is undetermined due to the extent of damage." My uncle and his family now live in my grandfather's house, with no plans to rebuild after the fire.

My grandfather no longer has any intentions of moving back home. I know he's hurting over this. I see it in his eyes. I see it in his expressions when he makes me drive past the house and shakes his head sadly.

I don't know for sure what has happened to all of his possessions, most of which are antique furniture. I've been told that his furniture and possessions were sold or in storage. I've also heard from someone close to me that my grandfather took them to a junk yard where all his things were thrown out, and pictures were taken.

When my grandfather dies, other people will be living in his house, all his furniture and household items are gone, and all his vehicles have been sold. He has nothing but his clothing to leave behind.

I always took comfort in the fact that when he was gone, yes I'd be devastated, but his house would always be there as a comfort to me and my family. This house is my childhood home. I lived there for a year with my grandparents when I was 5. That house means the world to me. I always thought it would be there. I don't believe that anymore.

The ironic part of this story? Everything was willed to me.

So here is the song that breaks my heart, because when the most important person in my life goes, I'll have a ton of amazing memories but I'll never be able to 'drive his truck'. 

If you're a big cry baby like me, here are a few others that still make me cry almost every time:

Alyssa Lies - Jason Michael Carroll
Concrete Angel - Martina McBride
The Change - Garth Brooks
I'll Wait for You - Joe Nichols
I Loved her First - Heartland

My 13 month old with the attitude

I mentioned a little while back that we visited my grandfather and took a bunch of pictures in the woods the weekend before Halloween. A lot of the pictures turned out so nice that of course I have to share. 

Chloe's been growing up so much lately.

Last night I was in the kitchen getting her supper ready and she was playing in the hallway. I looked over and all of a sudden she was walking into the kitchen.

She practices her walking all the time now, but still crawls 98% of the time. I think in a few weeks I'll have a full-time walker on my hands.

Oh the trouble we'll be in then.

She's also adopted a bit of an attitude. And by a bit, I mean a lot. 

Girlfriend now throws herself on the floor when she's mad, annoyed, or simply inconvenienced. Sometimes I'll try to put her down on the floor, and she won't sit. She just wants to go right to the floor, whining along the way, not caring if she hits her head. So far, it's still in the amusing stages, but I can see how it'll soon start to get annoying. I'm not a fan of tantrums, but at least they're not too loud. 

Usually I don't pay much attention when she does it. 

Except in Old Navy. It was hard to not pay attention the day she kept dropping to the floor in Old Navy while we were shopping. If I put her in the stroller, she'd arch her back until her body was straight as a board, balancing in the seat of the stroller. 

Yeah, my daughter is that child now. The one you don't get excited about taking into public. 

But like I said, it's still a little amusing to me. 

Besides that, she's all full of dadas and babas and uh ohs and tickle tickles. She loves to talk and make noise, and always wants to be on the move. She's quite the funny little girl. 

Fill in the Blank Friday

I'm doing something new - taking part in Fill in the Blank Friday, and I had a blast with it. 

1. Right now the weather where I live is:

Pretty amazing for September. Sunny, and warm. You could still have a beach day today (and tomorrow!) if you wanted. 

 2. The best piece of advice I've been given is:

Trust your mommy instincts. 

3. My most favorite person in all the world is:

If I eliminate the obvious (my daughter), I would pick my grandfather. He's spoiled me since the day I was born. I was the first granddaughter, but not only that - I was the first child of the only girl. I lived with my grandparents for a year when my mother gave birth to the twins. When I went away to college, he had a bit of savings for me to get started. When I was struggling, he always helped out. In November 2010 he had a stroke, which left him as a whole new person. He has a hard time communicating with speech, but can sometimes get his message across. He doesn't like a lot of the things he used to. He's completely different. The one thing that hasn't changed is that he still loves me more than ever, and has also passed that love along to Chloe. He's basically my father. 

 4. If I were to have a "mission statement" for my life, it would be:

Yolo. 

Hah, totally kidding. I could try to pull something awesome and inspirational out of my hat, but I'm not wearing one. So I pulled something out of my ass instead. Meaning, I hopped on Pinterest and found something that fits into my life right now.

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 5. My most favorite item in my closet is:

My little black dress, that I only got to wear twice. I absolutely love it and can't wait for an opportunity to wear it again. 

 6. The best cure for a bad day is:

A happy baby. That might sound a little sappy or cliche, but it's true. No matter how upset I am, if Chloe smiles or laughs at me, I can't help but smile back, even if it's just a little. Coffee helps too. 

 7. Today is:

Friday. How can that ever be a bad thing?

A 75th Birthday Party

On Thursday my grandfather turned 75 years old. He's getting a little.. old.

We brought him to my mom's for a few nights (me and baby stayed too!) and celebrated his birthday and Father's Day both on Saturday. 

Getting to spend so much time with him, go on walks with him and take him shopping was all really nice. 

He had a stroke in November 2010, which left him fine physically, but mentally he can't really speak much and it's hard to get him to understand things we say. 

But it was fun to have an uncle and a few cousins join us, as well as my brother and his girlfriend. It's rare that the family really gets together. 

My uncle and my  babygirl, making a not-so-happy face

Grandfather and uncle

Brother with Charlie, the cat we love to hate

It was so nice to get back home and sleep in my own bed, but since Chloe had a crying fit from 10-11, and boyfriend came over, I got to sleep way too late and was still exhausted come Sunday.

So worth it to get to spend that little bit of time with boyfriend though. He told me he missed me, and I got to fall asleep in his arms which only happens when we're both super tired. When Chloe woke up around 3am, neither of us had moved. We lazed around a bit in the morning while the baby napped. He tried to tickle me. By the time he left, I was missing him already and he left me in a good mood for most of the day. 

Silent Sunday: Family Time

We've been visiting some family these past few days. These are a couple of photos from a quick trip to the park Wednesday evening. More exciting details to come, when I'm trying to be less silent. 

Last Silent Sunday: Rearranging furniture.