Things are hard lately

Earlier this week. I bought a second-hand Diego plush toy. It matches the Dora one I bought for Chloe maybe about a year ago. She absolutely loves it, and plays with both of them all the time now. And of course her little Boots the Monkey too. Sometimes even her Pikachu doll plays too. I spent $5 on Diego, $2 on Dora because of the paint in her hair, and a few dollars on Boots on Ebay. Overall, the best $10ish dollars ever spent, because she's in love. I love seeing her so happy. 

Things haven't been too fun lately. Eric's job shut down. He found a new job a few days ago, but it's going to part-time for quite awhile, and by the time he starts the new job, he'll have had 3 weeks off with no pay. 

To add to that fun, his ex is fighting him in court soon for child support payments (which he already makes, but not sure how he'll afford with his loss of income), for 50% of his daughter's daycare, which he also couldn't afford with no job, or even with one. When she was in our care, the government helped us with the costs because we're low income. She doesn't qualify because her and her boyfriend make a lot more money than us. She's also fighting for a very strict visitation schedule. Madi will need to be picked up between 7:30-8:20am on the days he takes her, and she wants it to be the same days, always. He already committed to taking her all Thursdays a long time ago. We got a huge book in the mail yesterday from her lawyer, complete with texts and emails they've exchanged. He's obviously going into this court appointment with their intentions to make him look like the worst father in the world. There were even some blatant lies in the book. It's insanely stressful. In the document it states that he owe her 50% of all daycare costs since she stopped living with us in October. 

If she wins and he's ordered to pay the child support and daycare effective immediately, I don't know where they expect the money to come from. He's doing all he can to find a full-time job, and it's not his fault his former job shut down. We're terrified. 

It doesn't help that since becoming common-law, the government decided we need to pay back all money they've given to me since we started living together. You think they would've given me the heads up on that when I specifically called and asked when they needed to know about our marital status changed. They said when we became common-law, aka a year. I guess they just forgot to mention that they'd take away all money from me from the day we started living together. That was a nice bill to get in the mail, considering we had two children in our care for most of those months. 

To add to that, I've started waking up 2 out of the last 3 nights with a toothache. It's from a tooth that was pulled but they left a piece of it in long ago. I'm calling first thing Monday to see when I can get into the dentist. 

The stress just won't stop. 

As soon as I manage to push one thing out of my mind, we get a new letter in the mail either from a lawyer or the government to kick us in the ass again. 

We're pretty sure that with all the money everyone thinks we owe them, our wedding may not happen anytime soon. So we'll be out even more money in the deposits we made, but we shall see. The officiant is already paid in full, and I already have the dress so maybe it'll happen. 

I'm tired of stressing. Usually I just try not to think about any of it.

The toothache is the hardest to ignore. 

Bullet Points of My Life Lately

- Chloe was sick - fever, coughing, crankiness. Luckily the worst of it was Thursday and Friday, when she was home with my mom and Eric. She was fine to go back to the babysitter's on Monday. 

- I was a little sick too, but mostly just a head cold that passed quickly. 

- Mom's been staying with us for over a week now. Tonight she flies away to move. For good. I don't think we'll see her until my wedding in 2015. 

- My nephew was with us also from Wednesday night until Monday morning. Madi was over Thursday and Friday through the day. Needless to say, I'm happy I was working. Wayyy too many people for me. 

- We've been working hard at our bead business. I don't post about it in here anymore because I don't want google searches bringing people to this blog, like it was before. And for that reason I even started a bead blog. Our custom people are a lot of fun to make. 

- The new job is going great. Most days are flying by. No complaints there. Yet :p

Toddler Moments

Last night's toddler battle: 

"Chloe, stop drinking the tub water."

*Giggle, then drink more*

"Chloe, you're going to be sick if you keep drinking tub water. It's dirty. Ew. Gross. Stop."

*More giggles*

Repeat about 6 more times before giving up. 

Then there was when she peed on the floor immediately after the bath. Luckily, right before I took her to my bed to be diapered and pj'd. Unluckily, I had to move and wipe down furniture anyway. 

--------------------

Chloe always goes to bed like a dream. Without a fight. Gives lots of hugs and kisses and loves to swing before going to bed. 

That's why I was surprised when she started crying as soon as I sat on the couch after putting her to bed. I grudgingly went upstairs to see what was up. 

"Ohhh no!" She screeches, no longer crying, as soon as the door opens. "Mess!"

Sure enough, she managed to get the cover off her sippy cup and her crib was drenched in milk. Even though the sheet and blankets and her clothes had absorbed a nice amount of milk, there was still enough to make a big puddle in the middle of the crib. 

Toddlers are fun. 

Changes in Career, for now

I got a new job.

 

I'll be pouring coffee and handing out donuts. It's pretty glamorous. It's at a place that I frequent almost daily, so it should be like nothing has changed :p

 

It's crazy to me, that this is the turn my life has taken.

 

I was comfortable in the job I've had for the past 4 years. I felt like it was a place I could stay and potentially grow. I thought when I spent the past year at my temporary job, that I was just doing more 'growing'. Learning a new aspect of the company, branching out, opening myself to more opportunities. Instead, here I am at the low end of the totem pole. I'm working two days a week. Back when I was the 'new girl' I was working 3-4 days a week, and that was tough. Now I've been around longer than some, and I'm working half the shifts I was working when I first started. My career sure did take a 'hit'. It might be months before I could get full-time at this company again, even though I'm working between two different locations. I never thought, four years later, this is where I'd be.

 

So I'm going to be pouring coffee and handing out donuts.

 

I'm a little sad, but I'm also a little excited. I like change, I like fast-paced, and I like the schedule this new job should be able to give me. It's the right move for my family.

 

Who am I kidding? It's the only move.

 

Now that my job situation is coming together, we're stuck with another problem.

 

Do we keep our 3 bedroom townhouse with the finished basement that we've grown to love, or do we trade it in for something smaller, cheaper, with heat included? I keep going back and forth on this. Neither of us want to move. Do we suffer it out for a bit, and hope our financial situation improves? Or do we bite the bullet and move to a cheaper spot, to make sure we don't have to be so financially scared?

 

It is so hard to know what the right move is to make. I wish someone could make these decisions for me.

 

Ps.. does anyone know a free fortune teller?

What more could possibly happen?

I still exist. Barely. 

My job ended and last week I worked a total of 2 days. I was busy running around getting my car fixed, going to a concert, hanging out with the girls, and finding out we were losing custody of Madi. 

Just like that, the mediator thinks she should be with her biological parents as much as possible so she now lives with her mom and will see us on her father's days off. But when Madi's mother didn't want her, she fought for me to keep her 7 days a week, and almost got her way then too. Funny how things work out for some people no matter what they do. We are not those kinds of people. 

I'm hoping to start a new job in the next week or two. I was supposed to hear back about when I start training Friday that just passed, but they didn't call. Hopefully I'll get a call tomorrow. I need this job. We cannot survive with just Eric working, especially after losing Madi. We'll soon be paying child support again. Joy. 

I've started selling some stuff we don't need and putting it away for a damage deposit for a new apartment. We need a cheaper place as soon as possible now that we don't need the 3rd bedroom for Madi. I can't explain how much I do not want to live in a smaller place. We've gotten really used to having our 'hang out' area in the basement when the kids go to bed. We have a tv, bed and all our crafts down here. I don't know where we'll fit any of it when we move. I think we'll also have to sell Madi's dresser and a lot of her clothes to fit her stuff in the room she will have to share with Chloe when we move. 

Things are just too crazy to wrap my head around. 

Yesterday was my birthday. It doesn't feel like it. I'm 26 now. I spent the day with cranky Chloe, and had dinner with her and Eric when he was off work. Luckily Chloe was pretty easy to deal with during dinner. The most surprising part of my day is that my father's family was all having dinner behind us at the restaurant. I didn't notice at first. I haven't seen or spoken to my father in about 11 years. My step-mother came to my babyshower and met Chloe afterwards. She stopped and said hi to us on her way to pay for her meal. Then my father did the same. First time in 11 years. It was kind of nice. 

Here are some pictures from my 26th birthday. 

Our new kitten, Jasmine

"I Wish You Had Life Goals"

With all the changing coming up this month in our household, I've been doing a lot of thinking about other families. You learn a lot about the differences in families when you're a regular on a local Facebook 'Mommy' group. 

We're on of the 'working' households. We both work. Full-time right now, until my job ends in a couple of weeks, but hopefully I'll have something full-time shortly after. We will be doing shift work. We don't eat family suppers because Eric is rarely home for supper and the kids can't wait until 7pm to be fed. We rarely have weekends together. 

Do don't do many fun family activities. We won't be apple picking. Hell, we can barely manage all our errands some weeks. 

But we survive. Our kids are fed and have more clothes and toys than they could ever need. We live in a decent townhouse. We have one decent car. Sometimes we struggle, but we get by. 

There are many that are less fortunate than us, and many that are much better off. 

I never have, and still don't want to be a full-time stay at home Mom. I love my kids, but I also love my break from them. I love helping to provide for my family. But I'm jealous of stay-at-home Moms. I'm not sure of all their different circumstances, but what it all adds up to is that they can financially afford to be able to stay home. We can't. 

Sometimes I think it's because it's cheaper for them to stay home than to pay for childcare and I can totally understand that. But some of them still stay home after their kids are off to school. It sounds nice to have that option. 

I'm not sure we'll ever be that family. Eric and I both have very basic jobs. We're not doctors or lawyers or plumbers. We just do what we can to make the ends meet. After thinking about this one day, out of no where I told Eric "I wish you had life goals." At first he was confused, but I wish there was something he wanted to do with his life. A career passion. I wish living on one income could be an option for us someday, so money wouldn't always be a worry. 

But I understand all too well what it's like to not know what you want to do with your life. I thought I knew, but from that all I got were huge student loans. He doesn't want to make the same mistake and I can't fault him for that. 

I still can't stop myself from wishing it was different though. But either way, we're in this together. 

The Best Part of My Days

I haven't had it in me to blog the past few days. It's hard to write when you're not feeling happy if you don't want to write about what's making you feel that way. 

Soon I'll post about Chloe's birthday. 

The party was really great, and I really loved seeing all the friends and family. She's been teething though, so there were some meltdowns and she didn't sleep well that night. She slept okay last night, and I'm hoping tonight goes well enough too. I can handle waking up 1-2 times. When it gets to 3-5 times, I stop being able to function properly. It really makes me appreciate her (normally) awesome sleep habits that much more though. 

My life has been a whirlwind of worry. 

I go to work and spend a lot of my time job searching, apartment searching, babysitter searching, looking over our budget, tweaking our budget, applying to some jobs, and eventually doing some actual work. 

Then I get to pick the kids up, rush through dinner - which Madi typically won't eat anyway, then make our way through a bath most night, and trying to referee their playtime the rest of the time. On the really bad nights, we call it a Dora night and just let the tv do it's thing. 

Finally, bedtime rolls around. I've started making it a bit earlier, since we have to wake the kids up each morning to get ready for work and daycare, so obviously they could use some extra sleep time if they're not already awake. I always look forward to tucking my step-daughter into bed, then sitting in the rocking chair in the dark in Chloe's room. Chloe sits with me, of course, and we either read a book or sing. Usually we sing. 

The Wheels on the Bus

ABCs

The Little Green Frog

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Those are our favorites. Chloe knows a lot of the words. 

It is by far the most amazing part of my day. We don't always get much alone time, and especially not much cuddle time, so it feels so nice to have that time with her. 

Everything else just feels like a mess. 

This was our weekend...

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Sickness has finally left our place. Everyone seems to be feeling good. 

This weekend was a decent one. My first cousin got married Saturday so I took Eric and Chloe to the ceremony, and just Chloe to the dinner. It is hard to entertain my daughter in quiet, sit down places, that's for sure. I wouldn't do it again anytime soon. It was great to see my grandfather though, and nice to see my cousin getting happily married. 

We spent Sunday night at my Mom's. The four of us. In one bedroom that night. It was hell. Madi cried like 6 times, and spent the rest of the time rolling around on her bed. The noises kept Eric and I awake a lot of the night. Luckily, Chloe only really got up once. 

The girls feeding my mom's dog, Rhino

Monday I took the day off work and we drove further to visit a friend of mine, and then my grandfather again. We were planning on heading to the beach before we came home, but while we were getting changed dark clouds rolled in and it started to pour rain as we were driving. Crazy how fast the weather changes. We had dinner in town with friends instead, then headed home. 

This week should be a short one since it's only four days, and daycare is closed Friday. I think we have babysitters lined up already for both of the girls. 

I'm going to leave this insanely boring blog post at that, and hopefully have more interesting things to report as time goes on.