I can picture beautiful moments.
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Sipping a cup of coffee on a quiet fall morning.
Giggles at a playground.
Pretty fall boots.
The excitement on my children's faces when I pick them up at daycare.
Watching a really great movie.
Fresh, warm laundry on a cold day.
Baking some fresh, homemade treats.
Curling up with a great book.
Hiding under the blankets.
Cuddling with the right person.
Singing songs in the rocking chair.
Some of them are a reality. Some I could easily recreate, but they don't feel the same. I'd love to get up a little early and relax with my coffee, but often I don't wake up feeling great. I'd love to read a great book, but I just can't relax enough to do it when I'm home. Going to the playground is more stressful than just staying home.
I can't escape my own mind. I've been better, but I still can't escape. I want to fully enjoy all of those things, and more, without my mind wandering and worrying about my anxiety. I want to live a normal, happy life again.
I don't know why anxiety had to take over my life, but I wish there was an easier way to kick it out.
4 comments:
I am so sorry, anxiety is really awful to deal with, but it sounds like you are doing the right things to overcome it.
I sorry! That has to be tough.
I think doing anything with kids can cause anxiety. It's so much easier to stay home than to pack up a diaper bag, wrestle them into appropriate clothes, etc. I want to do things like go to the park and make memories but it can be overwhelming. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. ((hugs))
I'm sorry. :( I hope you can somehow get control of it soon!! I don't have issues with a ton of anxiety, but every once in a while...and it's not fun. So I can only imagine what you go through...
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