My Own Mind Is Making Me Crazy: Anxiety Attacks

It's no secret that my biggest fear is of throwing up. A few months ago (February) when Chloe and Eric came down with the flu, my phobia got a little out of hand and I have yet to recover. I'm starting to realize that my phobia has turned into something a little bigger, and isn't just fueled by the phobia itself. 

Anxiety & anxiety attacks. 

I knew I had panic attacks from time to time if I thought I was going to throw up. Those panic attacks were great for making me feel the symptoms, and go so far as to almost get sick over it. 

I am beyond those occasional panic attacks now. 

I have frequent anxiety attacks, and I've changed. Completely. It took me a long time to realize it was all related. 

I know the biggest cause of it is stress. I don't exercise, and I don't eat well, but I've always been  that way. Stress, and the huge life change of taking in Madi and dealing with her mother are all new. And the anxiety attacks got worse around that time. 

I'm not overly secretive about it. Most people know of my fear, and Eric has seen for himself how often it seems to hit me lately but he seems to brush it off a little. I don't talk to anyone else enough to even mention it. 

The fact of it is - I'm constantly worried about getting sick. I almost constantly feel 'sick' or 'off' in some way; whether it be a headache, slight stomachache, extreme tiredness. I almost never feel fine. My appetite has taken a huge hit. Sometimes I eat fine, sometimes I can barely eat. 

I'm irritable. All the time. 

At first I blamed that on various problems and stress in my life, but it seems to be more than that. I get so annoyed or so angry at the drop of a hat. I can't get myself to relax. I have no patience. It's not all the time, but it takes almost nothing to trigger a bad mood. 

I have zero interest in most of my hobbies. 

I can't even enjoy lazing around on the couch without my mind going crazy. 

I've been told (by local strangers actually) that giving up caffeine and exercise would probably help. That might be the first thing I try. There's not much else I can do without looking into actual medical help. 

I can't get out of the house - Eric is literally the only 'friend' I have these days, and with Madi's mom the way she is, we need to find a babysitter if we want to leave the house without children. We can't afford a babysitter, and our families live an hour away. We're stuck. 

I'm stuck. 

My own mind is driving me crazy. 

The saddest part of this all, is that I've heard anxiety attacks are super common among women, especially moms. I just wish I didn't have to be one of many.