Changes in Career, for now

I got a new job.

 

I'll be pouring coffee and handing out donuts. It's pretty glamorous. It's at a place that I frequent almost daily, so it should be like nothing has changed :p

 

It's crazy to me, that this is the turn my life has taken.

 

I was comfortable in the job I've had for the past 4 years. I felt like it was a place I could stay and potentially grow. I thought when I spent the past year at my temporary job, that I was just doing more 'growing'. Learning a new aspect of the company, branching out, opening myself to more opportunities. Instead, here I am at the low end of the totem pole. I'm working two days a week. Back when I was the 'new girl' I was working 3-4 days a week, and that was tough. Now I've been around longer than some, and I'm working half the shifts I was working when I first started. My career sure did take a 'hit'. It might be months before I could get full-time at this company again, even though I'm working between two different locations. I never thought, four years later, this is where I'd be.

 

So I'm going to be pouring coffee and handing out donuts.

 

I'm a little sad, but I'm also a little excited. I like change, I like fast-paced, and I like the schedule this new job should be able to give me. It's the right move for my family.

 

Who am I kidding? It's the only move.

 

Now that my job situation is coming together, we're stuck with another problem.

 

Do we keep our 3 bedroom townhouse with the finished basement that we've grown to love, or do we trade it in for something smaller, cheaper, with heat included? I keep going back and forth on this. Neither of us want to move. Do we suffer it out for a bit, and hope our financial situation improves? Or do we bite the bullet and move to a cheaper spot, to make sure we don't have to be so financially scared?

 

It is so hard to know what the right move is to make. I wish someone could make these decisions for me.

 

Ps.. does anyone know a free fortune teller?

What more could possibly happen?

I still exist. Barely. 

My job ended and last week I worked a total of 2 days. I was busy running around getting my car fixed, going to a concert, hanging out with the girls, and finding out we were losing custody of Madi. 

Just like that, the mediator thinks she should be with her biological parents as much as possible so she now lives with her mom and will see us on her father's days off. But when Madi's mother didn't want her, she fought for me to keep her 7 days a week, and almost got her way then too. Funny how things work out for some people no matter what they do. We are not those kinds of people. 

I'm hoping to start a new job in the next week or two. I was supposed to hear back about when I start training Friday that just passed, but they didn't call. Hopefully I'll get a call tomorrow. I need this job. We cannot survive with just Eric working, especially after losing Madi. We'll soon be paying child support again. Joy. 

I've started selling some stuff we don't need and putting it away for a damage deposit for a new apartment. We need a cheaper place as soon as possible now that we don't need the 3rd bedroom for Madi. I can't explain how much I do not want to live in a smaller place. We've gotten really used to having our 'hang out' area in the basement when the kids go to bed. We have a tv, bed and all our crafts down here. I don't know where we'll fit any of it when we move. I think we'll also have to sell Madi's dresser and a lot of her clothes to fit her stuff in the room she will have to share with Chloe when we move. 

Things are just too crazy to wrap my head around. 

Yesterday was my birthday. It doesn't feel like it. I'm 26 now. I spent the day with cranky Chloe, and had dinner with her and Eric when he was off work. Luckily Chloe was pretty easy to deal with during dinner. The most surprising part of my day is that my father's family was all having dinner behind us at the restaurant. I didn't notice at first. I haven't seen or spoken to my father in about 11 years. My step-mother came to my babyshower and met Chloe afterwards. She stopped and said hi to us on her way to pay for her meal. Then my father did the same. First time in 11 years. It was kind of nice. 

Here are some pictures from my 26th birthday. 

Our new kitten, Jasmine

The Ending of an Era

My current job ends tomorrow. I can't believe it's been over a year since I started the job. Covering someone's maternity leave. I knew the job was temporary. I had no idea quite the situation I would be in when it ended though. I always thought I'd be able to go back to my previous job. It's within the same company. I don't even know for sure if I can't go back to the old job, but it's Thursday, and I don't know the next time I'll be working. Again. I needed to know weeks ago. 

I've applied to almost every job. And nothing. It's been about 4 years since I've had to rely on anyone but myself to pay my bills. This is where I'm going to be. Struggling to get by. Hoping the government will pay me unemployment benefits in the meantime. Hoping our savings doesn't run dry. Hoping a job that works for us somehow falls into my hands. 

I can't take just anything. If it doesn't fall into certain hours, we'd need a private babysitter. The government helps us with daycare, but not a private sitter. After travel and babysitter costs, I'd be working for nothing. I need something that allows the kids to be with me or Eric as much as possible. 

This is scary shit. 

But the point of this post is, I blog from work mostly. I don't have much time for computers at home. So while I don't blog much, I might start blogging less. Unless I never get a job. Then I'll have plenty of time to blog. 

Some Things...

Chloe's been 'off' lately. I thought she was teething but I don't think it's that anymore. She pretty happy and fine all day, but she's been sleeping horribly and seems a little bothered at night. Maybe a doctor trip in our near future but I hope not. 

On the plus side, while Chloe's been sleeping badly the past two nights, Madi has slept through the night and that's rare. 

Speaking of Madi, when the kids are done with daycare October 11th, Madi is going to start going to her mother's more due to a new 50/50 trial custody arrangement. Her mother wants full custody back. We're not on board with that. I'm definitely on board with the 50/50 though. Hopefully it'll be less stress on everyone. 

I'm paying our photography deposit this weekend. It's time to lock in this wedding date. 

I'm also getting my hair cut for the first time in about a year, and with my favorite hairdresser who I haven't seen in over a year. Excited! 

I don't want to jinx things, but I've been feeling better lately. My appetite is back for the most part, and I'm even eating slightly healthier. I still can't stomach most fruit and veggies, but I've been having yogurt, almonds and cheese instead of chocolate and chips. 

I actually kind of succeeded at a photo challenge on Instagram. I even took my photo for October 1st yesterday but still haven't posted it yet. I'm not very 'insta'. 

"I Wish You Had Life Goals"

With all the changing coming up this month in our household, I've been doing a lot of thinking about other families. You learn a lot about the differences in families when you're a regular on a local Facebook 'Mommy' group. 

We're on of the 'working' households. We both work. Full-time right now, until my job ends in a couple of weeks, but hopefully I'll have something full-time shortly after. We will be doing shift work. We don't eat family suppers because Eric is rarely home for supper and the kids can't wait until 7pm to be fed. We rarely have weekends together. 

Do don't do many fun family activities. We won't be apple picking. Hell, we can barely manage all our errands some weeks. 

But we survive. Our kids are fed and have more clothes and toys than they could ever need. We live in a decent townhouse. We have one decent car. Sometimes we struggle, but we get by. 

There are many that are less fortunate than us, and many that are much better off. 

I never have, and still don't want to be a full-time stay at home Mom. I love my kids, but I also love my break from them. I love helping to provide for my family. But I'm jealous of stay-at-home Moms. I'm not sure of all their different circumstances, but what it all adds up to is that they can financially afford to be able to stay home. We can't. 

Sometimes I think it's because it's cheaper for them to stay home than to pay for childcare and I can totally understand that. But some of them still stay home after their kids are off to school. It sounds nice to have that option. 

I'm not sure we'll ever be that family. Eric and I both have very basic jobs. We're not doctors or lawyers or plumbers. We just do what we can to make the ends meet. After thinking about this one day, out of no where I told Eric "I wish you had life goals." At first he was confused, but I wish there was something he wanted to do with his life. A career passion. I wish living on one income could be an option for us someday, so money wouldn't always be a worry. 

But I understand all too well what it's like to not know what you want to do with your life. I thought I knew, but from that all I got were huge student loans. He doesn't want to make the same mistake and I can't fault him for that. 

I still can't stop myself from wishing it was different though. But either way, we're in this together.