Silent Sunday: This Weekend

Made these for the girls bedroom doors. Like our Facebook page to see more, or on Instagram. 

Another random project

Chloe zoned out watching Dora the Explorer holding her name sign

Mommy and Chloe first thing in the morning

"When I die, I don't need a big expensive casket. This'll do."

10 Things I Did This Week

1. I tried hot yoga with a friend. 

2. I was super paranoid all week because the flu is going around work like crazy. 

3. The weather got super cool all of a sudden so I started putting away the first few summer things. It doesn't make me as sad as it usually does that summer is ending. 

4. The beads we ordered last week arrived, only 9 days later. 

5. I bought a paid version of a budget app in hopes that we can really get on board with using it. Finances are hard to keep track of in a spreadsheet at work. 

6. Planning and making supper for the girls, and then later on for me and Eric is becoming more and more of a headache each week. I'm just sick of everything we eat, and usually have very little appetite lately. I hate it. 

7. I bought a $5 box of Mother's Day clearance chocolates on a whim Thursday night when I stopped to get mail at the post office. Mother's day?! Either way, we ate most of the box that night. 

8. My bosses at work were cleaning out one of the storage rooms and I scored a box of blocks and a bunch of stuffed animals for the girls. I'm not usually huge on stuffed animals, but two were big enough to use as floor pillows, one was Winnie the Pooh, one was just super cute, and the other two were sleeping monkeys. 

9. Chloe has become so chatty lately. It's all "Mommy's purse", "Door," "Mommy's car," "Mommy help." I absolutely love it. I especially love it when she's playing and starts singing softly to herself. Melts my freakin' heart. 

10. I started watching Crazy Stupid Love Monday night while Eric was out. I had no idea Ryan Gosling was in it. I got tired and shut it off right around the time Ryan Gosling met Steve Carrell. I don't even remember what their characters names are. I fail. 

My Introduction to Hot Yoga

Last night a friend and I decided to try something new. 

Hot yoga. 

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It was a huge step, since we've never even done normal-temperature-yoga. I mean, I tried it in my basement a little with a Jillian Michael's DVD but even then it was hard. Yoga is pretty hard. 

We couldn't find parking so we felt rushed when we got there. The woman working at the cash, who would also be our instructor, was very nice and gave us a tour of the place when we arrived. We were told to take our mats and our water into the hot yoga room, where some people were already waiting, and she would be there at exactly 7pm. 

Everyone in the room was laying on their backs on their mats. I felt like I was interrupting everyone's naps. We unrolled our mats, took awkward sips of water, and sat for a few minutes. Eventually we lay down like the rest and waited. 

I adjusted to the warmth easier than I expected. I thought it might be uncomfortable, and at times it was a little, but it wasn't bad. I sweat like I've never done before. 

The poses were nothing too difficult. You could further stretch to make most of them more difficult, but overall it was a pretty great class for beginners. I didn't feel too lost and I was able to do a lot of the poses even though I was a lot less steady than most. 

I would say the worst part of the class was the fact that I was sweating so much that I was slipping on my mat, so poses I can normally do like downward dog, my hands were sliding away from me. 

The class was just a few minutes over an hour, but by then I was more than ready to finish. For beginners, I think a 30-45 minute class might be easier. When the instructor had us lay on our backs and relax our bodies, I may have started to doze off a little. When all was said and done, I did feel more relaxed, cleansed, etc. It was a fun experience. One I definitely would like to try again, and I think my friend agrees. 

It's much easier doing yoga in a heated, darkened room than in my bright, cool basement using a Jillian Michael's DVD, that's for sure. I'm not knocking Jillian though - the video is great but a bit harder than the class. 

Who knows, maybe I'll turn into a yoga regular. 

There's Nothing Like Mommy Guilt

I've felt guilt many, many in my life, but there's nothing quite so bad as mommy guilt. 

I feel little pangs of it daily over little things - letting the kids watch too much tv, or not feeding them a good enough supper. 

But sometimes it's not little pangs. And those bigger moments, they stay with you and tear at you all the time. I've never experienced anything like it. 

I read another blog post today: The Time I Almost Killed My Child. I teared up thinking of what the mother was going through. The fear. The gut-wrenching sadness. And then the guilt. Her child was allergic to nuts, and she accidentally gave him a cookie with hazelnuts in it.

It brings me back to my guiltiest moment. 

At the end of this past January, Chloe was sent home from daycare with a fever on Thursday, seemed fine Friday, but was sent home again with another high fever. Usually she gets fevers from teething, but this seemed very different. I took her to a clinic immediately Friday, where I was told it was just a cold or flu or whatever. She had a rough weekend, which ended with a huge coughing fit Sunday afternoon until she was throwing up, but still coughing. 

I took her to the emergency room to get checked out. I guess the fact that we were taken in pretty quick was a bit of a bad sign. My adorable little 16 month old was diagnosed a day or two later with pneumonia and the influenza virus. She was admitted to the hospital Sunday afternoon. 

As soon as I learned she'd be admitted, I was holding back tears. I had to leave the room for them to put her IV in, because I knew I'd never survive listening to her cry. Eric was home from work then, and came pretty quick to the hospital when I told him she would be staying. 

Now for the guilty part? I left her there alone that night. I left. I waited until she was fast asleep, and we went home to eat and sleep ourselves. 

How did I leave my little baby alone in a hospital room overnight? By herself? And at the time I thought it was okay. I justified it. It absolutely kills me now. 

I told the nurses to call me if anything happened, if she woke up. We just live a minute away. The nurses said she slept all night, which comforted me, but that doesn't matter. I left her. 

My Mom came up the next day. She spent the next 4 nights at the hospital with Chloe while I went to work and slept at home. I'd stop by in the morning, and spend the evening there until she went to bed. How did I not take more time off work? I was new to  the job, but how is that an excuse? How was I not there every minute that I could be? I'm so grateful my Mom was there to help out, because we couldn't afford me missing the time at work, and I know I never would've worked if Chloe was alone. I never would've just left her alone at the hospital. 

But I still don't know how I felt leaving her was okay at the time. Now I don't think it's something I'll ever get over. I hope from now on I'm always there when my baby needs it. No matter what. Even thinking about her hospital stay really makes me want to just hold her and hug and kiss her. 

Mommy guilt. It's insanely powerful stuff. 

I Won't Blog About 'Mom Stuff' When I'm a Mom

I read some blogs over the weekend on my Bloglovin' iPhone app. I was pretty excited when a day later there was an update so my blogs are all sorted by group now like they are online. Anyway, to get on topic, I read something on a blog that stuck with me. Annoyed me, I suppose. 

It was a post regarding 'things I'll never blog about', and this young, childless female said she'd never blog about 'Mom stuff', even when she had a kid. Really?

A child is the biggest, craziest, most important thing that will probably ever happen to you. That little baby can't do a thing without you, and all of a sudden you can't do a thing without them. It's a major life change. Your life revolves mostly around that little person, whether you want it to or not. 

I didn't think I'd turn into a mom blogger. But I turned into a mom

How can you not blog about 'Mom stuff' ie: YOUR CHILD. That's like saying your kid won't be important enough to talk about. 

So enjoy continuing to blog about your parties, friends, and weekends away when you have kids. Although I doubt you'll be doing much of any of that stuff. 

It's hard to have cute, child-less stories for your blog when you're life revolves around poop and spit up. 

Just saying.