Things are hard lately

Earlier this week. I bought a second-hand Diego plush toy. It matches the Dora one I bought for Chloe maybe about a year ago. She absolutely loves it, and plays with both of them all the time now. And of course her little Boots the Monkey too. Sometimes even her Pikachu doll plays too. I spent $5 on Diego, $2 on Dora because of the paint in her hair, and a few dollars on Boots on Ebay. Overall, the best $10ish dollars ever spent, because she's in love. I love seeing her so happy. 

Things haven't been too fun lately. Eric's job shut down. He found a new job a few days ago, but it's going to part-time for quite awhile, and by the time he starts the new job, he'll have had 3 weeks off with no pay. 

To add to that fun, his ex is fighting him in court soon for child support payments (which he already makes, but not sure how he'll afford with his loss of income), for 50% of his daughter's daycare, which he also couldn't afford with no job, or even with one. When she was in our care, the government helped us with the costs because we're low income. She doesn't qualify because her and her boyfriend make a lot more money than us. She's also fighting for a very strict visitation schedule. Madi will need to be picked up between 7:30-8:20am on the days he takes her, and she wants it to be the same days, always. He already committed to taking her all Thursdays a long time ago. We got a huge book in the mail yesterday from her lawyer, complete with texts and emails they've exchanged. He's obviously going into this court appointment with their intentions to make him look like the worst father in the world. There were even some blatant lies in the book. It's insanely stressful. In the document it states that he owe her 50% of all daycare costs since she stopped living with us in October. 

If she wins and he's ordered to pay the child support and daycare effective immediately, I don't know where they expect the money to come from. He's doing all he can to find a full-time job, and it's not his fault his former job shut down. We're terrified. 

It doesn't help that since becoming common-law, the government decided we need to pay back all money they've given to me since we started living together. You think they would've given me the heads up on that when I specifically called and asked when they needed to know about our marital status changed. They said when we became common-law, aka a year. I guess they just forgot to mention that they'd take away all money from me from the day we started living together. That was a nice bill to get in the mail, considering we had two children in our care for most of those months. 

To add to that, I've started waking up 2 out of the last 3 nights with a toothache. It's from a tooth that was pulled but they left a piece of it in long ago. I'm calling first thing Monday to see when I can get into the dentist. 

The stress just won't stop. 

As soon as I manage to push one thing out of my mind, we get a new letter in the mail either from a lawyer or the government to kick us in the ass again. 

We're pretty sure that with all the money everyone thinks we owe them, our wedding may not happen anytime soon. So we'll be out even more money in the deposits we made, but we shall see. The officiant is already paid in full, and I already have the dress so maybe it'll happen. 

I'm tired of stressing. Usually I just try not to think about any of it.

The toothache is the hardest to ignore. 

Our Easter Weekend Away

This Easter was a great one. We spent the weekend away, staying with some of my closest friends (a married couple). The drive up was difficult - Chloe was not impressed with the sun in her eyes, and kept throwing sippy cups, toys, even treats we gave her as a distraction. I was relieved when we finally got there. She doesn't know my friends too well, since they live so far away, so I tried to explain to her who they were - that they were at her birthday party. That wasn't a great idea because she then thought we were going to her birthday party. Luckily she forgot about that by the time we got there. 

Immediately when we arrived, I realized I forgot to pack pjs for Chloe. Fail.

And all stores would be closed the next day. We rushed to the grocery store and bought her two pairs of pjs. 

When we got back, I realized I forgot mine too. Double fail. I wore Eric's pj pants to sleep in all weekend, which were way too big and not very comfortable. 

On our first full day there, Chloe decorated cookies and we just visited with my friends and their family. We went out for a lunch, then afterwards split up and Eric and I took Chloe to a park and the car wash. She enjoyed both. After that, we met up with people at a different park. Later on, we went for some frozen yogurt. We all loved it. 

Once we were home and Chloe was in bed, we watched The Heat. I loved it. 

The next day was zoo day! We got up and ready and went to the zoo. It was colder than expected, and Chloe didn't seem overly excited, but she didn't complain or whine. She loved the Easter egg hunt (see the top right picture below) and especially the Cheetos she got in her treat bag. 

Afterwards, my friend was amazing enough to watch Chloe so Eric and I could shop. Shopping wasn't very successful. I need jeans, but apparently I don't have a size. I'm between sizes. We ended up just buying hand sanitizer and train tracks at Toys R Us. 

That evening we had dinner at my friends parents' house. They are also like family to me so the company was great, and the food was amazing! So good. 

And that was our last night there. 

We woke up Sunday and Chloe found a trail of... well, see for yourself on our YouTube video outside the bedroom door. 

She loved the egg hunt, loved her Little People car, her beach ball from another friend who lives in the Dominican. She especially loved the chocolate chicken that had a chocolate egg inside filled with Smarties. She devoured those Smarties. We hung out until around noon before we hit the road to come home. 

About halfway home, when Eric was paying for gas, Chloe told me she was sad. I asked why, she said because she wanted her Daddy. Luckily, he was home so she spent about 3 hours with him that day. She had to take her beach ball with her to his house.  

Monday was back to work, for a 10 day stretch. Not looking forward to it, but at least two days are already down. 

Family, as of now.

Sometimes it amazes me how much things change, and how quickly. 

Although it seems like just yesterday that we took Madi into our home, it seems like just yesterday that she also moved out. I used to think of it as having two children. I thought that way for a bit even after she left. But we started seeing her less and less. I was no longer allowed to have her in my care alone since her mother deemed me 'unfit' out of no where. 

I still love her like family, but I no longer think of her as my daughter in the same way. She will always be Eric's daughter. At one point I would've assumed she would always be a sister to Chloe, but more and more it seems like the bond is one-sided. Chloe absolutely adores Madi and asks for her all the time. Madi, however, is quite indifferent to me and Chloe. I only see Madi for about an hour or less a week, but she spends every Thursday with Chloe all day, and still she runs past Chloe and asks for the tv immediately upon her arrival. To the point that it even hurts Chloe's feelings at time. 

What I once considered to be 'my family' is drifting apart more and more with each passing week. 

Even my own family is breaking apart a little. My mother spent a little over a weeek with us, sharing a room with Chloe, before she moved quite far away. Chloe got used to having her around, and asks for her and my nephew all the time. She doesn't understand yet that Grannie is far away. We probably won't see her again until my wedding, which is still a little over a year away. 

My mother and my brother are both living in the same spot, far away. My sister is an hour away, but we don't speak much. My grandfather is still in my hometown, about two hours away, but it's hard to get over to visit him very often. 

It's like I'm losing more and more family by the day. 

Luckily, I'll always have Chloe. At least until she's a teenager and decides to hate me. But for now she's my best friend, my favorite person to spend time with. 

And then there's Eric. Who used to take Chloe to daycare on the bus when I worked too early to do so. Who makes supper for us when he works late, because I hate cooking. Who puts up with my crazy mood swings. Who took care of me when I was sad that my mother was leaving. Who takes care of Chloe like she's his own. 

That's my family now. It's small. It makes me sad that we seem to have 'lost' everyone else, but I'm quite happy with the ones who are left. 

10 Pictures

I saw this on someone else's blog about posting the 10 latest pictures on your cell phone. So I wanted to jump on the bandwagon. Here are my 10 latest pictures (excluded pictures of clothes I was trying to sell). 

Eric sent me this picture of the girls settling in for a nap, together for the first time in the double bed. They did not nap. 

Chloe reading a Dora book. 

Yes! 

Chloe double-fisting. 

Chloe with her crazy hair. She  got paint in her hair at daycare and there wasn't proper time for washing before we went to town to pick up Eric. And of course she pulled out and lose her hair elastic right before we went into the store. 

One of our first nice, spring-like days :)

I gave her a Push Pop to keep her entertained during our hour-long car ride to a friends house last weekend. 

We were pretending to go to sleep with Eric's huge pj pants as our blanket. 

Chloe decided I needed all the puzzle pieces on my chest. 

Annnnd I saved this from the internet cause I love it. 

Easter is Coming

I had a few bad days lately, and was feeling pretty crappy. Then that passed. I've been so happy these past few days. 

Chloe's been so cute and so smart. I love hanging out with that little kid. She's so random. 

After bath...

Chloe: The water all gone down the hole.

Me: Then where does it go?

Chloe: The pyramids.

You can thank Dora the Explorer for that one. 

She identifies a lot of letters of the alphabet. And all basic colors. I can have conversations with her. It's such fun. Eric's friend Matt was locked out yesterday so we went to pick him up. I asked Chloe if she wanted to go get her best friend Matt. She got so excited and wouldn't stop talking about her best friend Matt. Until we picked him up, then she got shy for awhile. 

Next weekend is Easter. One of my favorite holidays. I already bought a couple of toys and outfits. Just need to stock up on chocolate. That's something I am not able to do in advance. 

I have no family left in the area (except my sister), and Eric loses his job next week so we've planned a weekend away to visit my friends (who are like family) and hopefully some family. I couldn't be more excited to spend Easter with these people. 

And have I mentioned Eric loses his job? By no fault of his own, the place is just closing. It sucks big time. He had decent pay, hours we were used to, and benefits. I'm getting benefits set up through my job, but we still need him to be working as soon as possible. At least this gives him a chance to get a job closer to home, since his job is as far away as it gets without actually leaving town. 

And we also found out that since we're recently common law, we owe back some money to the government that they never bothered to mention when we changed our marital status. Luckily we have the money set aside so we can pay it. So long, half of our wedding fund. 

But I'm still happy. Despite those things, and other things that are trying to bring us down. I'm sure I'll get worked up about it someday soon :p

What I've Been Watching

I haven't done this in so long. While I'm certain no one cares, I'm going to make this post anyway. 

Desperate Housewives

I've been watching this show since high school and only recently did I finally sit down and watch it from beginning to end. So amazing. I miss it now that it's gone. This show is so addicting, that Eric got addicted to it. Now he no longer makes fun of my "girl shows". Win win. 

10/10

Gossip Girl

It's been a long time coming, but now that this show is on Canadian Netflix, I'm finally going to find out how the series ends. I've watched almost the entire thing a couple of years ago but it was too hard to find episodes online because I had no cable. I started rewatching from the beginning this time, and I'm addicted all over again. 

9/10

How I Met Your Mother

One of my favorite shows since 2005 is over. I am so sad about that. There were a lot of mixed reviews about the finale, mostly bad reviews though. At first, I wasn't a fan but the more I thought about it, the more okay with it I am. The show started getting cheesy from seasons 7-9, but the last couple of episodes made up for it. I just wish they would've focused on Ted and the mother a little more. They had amazing chemistry. 

8/10

Big Brother Canada 2

I've been a Big Brother fan for awhile. Things are just about to get really interesting in this season and I can't wait. 

Have you been watching anything good lately? 

Chloe, my little talker

Chloe is all words lately. You hear so much about the terrible twos but rarely to you hear about how amazing this time can be. 

She plays make-believe like nobody's business. Some of her favorite make-believe games include making things pretending to sleep, whether it be her toys, or me and Eric. She says "Close eyes, go to sleep!" like the perfect little mother. 

Yesterday she was playing with her Little People princesses and I was using a rubber dinosaur pretending to drink out of a dish. It soon turned into a game where I had to ask for more milk and I wasn't allowed to  forget to say 'please', and she started responding with "Here you go, Honey."

And she knows the rules of playing, as she told Eric a few times just this morning "That's not how you play this!"

I started letting her help me cook a little. A few nights ago I let her help stir the Hamburger Helper sauce in with the milk and water, with no heat on of course. Her exact words were "Mmm soup. I love soup."

Yesterday when I changed her, I put her in a skort from her summer clothing stash since our place is usually really warm. She didn't like it at first, I guess because it's hard to open your legs really wide in a skirt. But then she discovered pockets. She pushed her hands in and said really excitedly "I love pockets!"

Yesterday she was looking at a picture of me, my mother and step-father from a few years ago. "That's my mommy." She said. "That's my Grannie. She's so happy." She paused and looked for a few seconds longer. "That's my Grannie. She's so happy to see me."

When we leave in the morning before Eric, she looks at him and says "You taking the bus?" Yes, he is. 

Today she looked at him very seriously when we were dropping him off at work. "You go get Madi?"

When we read her favorite books and watch her favorite shows, she's great at knowing what comes next and verbalizing it. Today she said the word 'No' to the tune of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'. I don't know if that's impressive at that age, but it was cute. 

It's crazy how much she talks all of a sudden. I love it, and I want to remember all of it forever.