Life just isn't fair

I don't know how I would begin to describe this weekend. 

It started off well enough - I shopped some yard sales, cleaned some my house. 

In the afternoon, I went out to the race track to visit my best friend who's husband is part of a racing team. His best friend is the one who does the racing. I had a really great afternoon hanging out with my friend and some of her friends - one being the wife of the race car driver. I also got to see his two kids - one is only two and the baby is 10 months. I got to hold the 10 month old for awhile, which I loved of course. I love me some cute babies. I also asked my friend to be my maid of honor - the first and only person so far to be asked to be in my side of the wedding. It was a great afternoon. 

I left go pick up Eric and since Madi was actually staying with her mom for the night (first time in months) we made some last minute plans to visit his sister and go out. I drank, he didn't. It was nice seeing his sister and her boyfriend. The 'bar' part of it wasn't great, but still a decent night. 

We were back home, in bed and asleep probably just before 1am. I had no idea of the message that I got shortly after, that was waiting for me when I got up around 8am. 

All lights were off, and Eric was still asleep when I checked my phone for the time. I think it was 8:17am. But there was also a message there from my friend. 

Their best friend that drives the race car, the best man from their wedding, he got in a one car accident during the race and passed away. My heart dropped. I woke Eric up saying something like "Oh my God. Oh my God." He was still half asleep when I turned on the light. 

I was frozen. I didn't know what to do or say. How do you respond to that? Had I received the message when it was sent, I probably would've rushed right out to where they were. 

I felt so sad for my friends. I knew how badly this would hurt them, how close they were to this man. But more so, my heart was completely broken for the two little boys he left behind. His wife. It hurt so much more after just spending that afternoon with them. His wife was so sweet and friendly. The boys were adorable. Everyone was so happy. Things change SO QUICK. 

I teared up a lot that morning, but I didn't actually cry until I dropped Eric off at work. He offered many time to stay home and keep me company, but I made him go. It was hard to see him leave on this particular morning. Things change so quick. 

I had a harder time keeping it together when he wasn't there. I called to see if I could stop by Chloe's father's house to see her for a minute. I just wanted to hug her, to see her happy face but she was gone with her grandmother. I got home and saw that the wife had been on Facebook, saying goodbye to her husband, best friend of many years, father of her children. I lost it. 

Life just isn't fair. 

I think of the little boys and think of what it would be like if either of my children lost their fathers. What it must be like to lose a spouse of 14 years. I think of how my friends must be feeling - because it would be like me losing them. They weren't blood, but they were  family. 

I absolutely hate that my friends are going through this. I feel so useless and helpless through it all. 

Life just isn't fair.