We've been sick

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Things have been a little off lately. 

First there was the tragedy from the weekend. 

On Monday we went to look at a potential wedding venue. One that we really would like to go with, but we still aren't sure we can afford it. We got home late, and the girls only got to bed around 9:30 pm. 

Tuesday Eric was sick, and I wasn't feeling so great either. I ended up coming home early and we both napped until it was time to get the girls at daycare. Seems like a bug was just passing through our entire household, since the girls were a little 'off' for a few days before us as well. I'm hoping this is the end of it all. 

We put the girls to bed early at 7pm, since Chloe was falling asleep on the way home from daycare, and she never sleep in the car. Even after our naps in the afternoon, Eric and I were both asleep before 9pm, and didn't get up unil 7am, except for once through the night. 

Eric put all of our bed sheets in the wash, and I wiped down many surfaces, handles, and remotes with Lysol wipes. I want my family back to normal again. 

On the plus side, I managed to avoid having a full-on panic attack over the fact that Eric was sick. I thought for sure I was going to have one but I managed not to. I hope that's something that I can get better at, and avoid panic attacks altogether. I hope I hope. In any case, I still haven't been able to eat much of anything all week. I think it might soon be time for a trip to the doctor regardless of panic attacks. Something's still not right with me. 

Life just isn't fair

I don't know how I would begin to describe this weekend. 

It started off well enough - I shopped some yard sales, cleaned some my house. 

In the afternoon, I went out to the race track to visit my best friend who's husband is part of a racing team. His best friend is the one who does the racing. I had a really great afternoon hanging out with my friend and some of her friends - one being the wife of the race car driver. I also got to see his two kids - one is only two and the baby is 10 months. I got to hold the 10 month old for awhile, which I loved of course. I love me some cute babies. I also asked my friend to be my maid of honor - the first and only person so far to be asked to be in my side of the wedding. It was a great afternoon. 

I left go pick up Eric and since Madi was actually staying with her mom for the night (first time in months) we made some last minute plans to visit his sister and go out. I drank, he didn't. It was nice seeing his sister and her boyfriend. The 'bar' part of it wasn't great, but still a decent night. 

We were back home, in bed and asleep probably just before 1am. I had no idea of the message that I got shortly after, that was waiting for me when I got up around 8am. 

All lights were off, and Eric was still asleep when I checked my phone for the time. I think it was 8:17am. But there was also a message there from my friend. 

Their best friend that drives the race car, the best man from their wedding, he got in a one car accident during the race and passed away. My heart dropped. I woke Eric up saying something like "Oh my God. Oh my God." He was still half asleep when I turned on the light. 

I was frozen. I didn't know what to do or say. How do you respond to that? Had I received the message when it was sent, I probably would've rushed right out to where they were. 

I felt so sad for my friends. I knew how badly this would hurt them, how close they were to this man. But more so, my heart was completely broken for the two little boys he left behind. His wife. It hurt so much more after just spending that afternoon with them. His wife was so sweet and friendly. The boys were adorable. Everyone was so happy. Things change SO QUICK. 

I teared up a lot that morning, but I didn't actually cry until I dropped Eric off at work. He offered many time to stay home and keep me company, but I made him go. It was hard to see him leave on this particular morning. Things change so quick. 

I had a harder time keeping it together when he wasn't there. I called to see if I could stop by Chloe's father's house to see her for a minute. I just wanted to hug her, to see her happy face but she was gone with her grandmother. I got home and saw that the wife had been on Facebook, saying goodbye to her husband, best friend of many years, father of her children. I lost it. 

Life just isn't fair. 

I think of the little boys and think of what it would be like if either of my children lost their fathers. What it must be like to lose a spouse of 14 years. I think of how my friends must be feeling - because it would be like me losing them. They weren't blood, but they were  family. 

I absolutely hate that my friends are going through this. I feel so useless and helpless through it all. 

Life just isn't fair. 

10 Things I Did This Week

1. Eric went to his friend's house Monday night and having the house to myself was kind of awesome. 

2. I cancelled my wedding venue reservation for one place, since it just didn't feel 'right', and we're going to look at my favorite place on Monday. 

3. Eric and I had an indoor yard sale on Saturday last week. We sold over $150 worth of stuff, and a nice chunk of that was our bead sprites. This is what we had starting out. At least 7 of those sold. 

4. We tried out the 2nd new frozen yogurt place in town. Eric didn't like it at all. I thought it was okay. Chloe was a fan. I'll be sticking to my first choice, even though they have less toppings. 

5. Even though I've seen it all before, I'm addicted to Sex and the City right now. It's my feel-good show, and Eric semi follows the plot :p

6. I saw an offer on Facebook for a free photoshoot at Sears, and went for it with the girls. The woman working was fantastic, and we ended up getting a package, plus a couple of extras. I'll post pictures when they come in. Madi was the perfect little model. Chloe was just there to play, Madi was well aware that she was getting her picture taken. It was adorable and hilarious. 

7. I took pictures at the park for a bachelorette party. The girl who asked me to do it is a friend of a friend of a friend. We drank together once or twice years ago. 

8. My friend Sarah and I went on a girl date. We browsed some shops and wanted to go out for dessert. It was 8:30 pm and we stopped by a new place in town. We got dirty looks because we took a seat out on their sidewalk patio. Then when we asked if we could get dessert the rudely replied that they would have to asked if we were allowed to get JUST dessert, because it was their peak dinner time. We walked out and went to a big chain restaurant and got amazing service instead. Sorry for trying to support local. You'll never see me again. 

9. I need to break my addiction of kids clothes shopping. At least until I sell off a lot of the stuff the kids have outgrown. It's getting ridiculous. 

10. As of right now, I feel kind of happy again. I hope it stays. 

Spice Box: What 'spicy items' I got in the mail

I decided to do something a little different a few weeks ago. I ordered a Spice Box (if you want to order, use my code Venassa V8495 to get 5% off. What is a Spice Box, you ask? It's basically a surprise box of "bedroom" toys and accessories. 

I'm in Canada, so it took a little while for the box to get to me, but I was excited when it finally arrived. 

No lie, it comes in very discreet packaging. The pink box you see below came in a yellow, standard mailing envelope with no hint of what was inside. 

I got the regular box, but this video about the Deluxe box for this month makes me think that it might be worth the extra $$$. 

In my box I got: 

- Happy Penis massage cream, in cherry flavor

- Naughty Secrets body fragrance

- Swipes (to clean up those sensitive areas before or after sex)

- A sampler of lube

- Annnd a butt plug

My overall opinion? 

This particular box isn't great for me, but might be great for others. I don't do 'fragrances' at all, and I probably won't be getting very close to the butt plug. We may toy around with the other items. 

I'm torn on if I want to keep my subscription for now or not though. We could use the money on other things, definitely, but I like getting a fun surprise once a month. I think I'm going to put it on pause for now, but I will definitely be re-ordering at a later date. 

Wedding Planning: Choosing a Venue is Hard

Wedding planning is so hard. 

I never had a dream wedding growing up, like some girls do. I went into this not knowing what I wanted at all. I knew I wanted something small. That's about it. 

Once I tentatively booked a hotel for my reception and dance, I realized I cared more than I thought. It didn't feel right. I went back and forth over it for a week or two, before finally cancelling the hold on that hotel at the beginning of this week. 

That was kind of huge for me, because this hotel was affordable. It was convenient. It just didn't feel like us. 

Our wedding song? We chose that already. It's a song I liked a long time ago. Google tells me it was released in 1992. It was mentioned on a local wedding group on Facebook by one girl who had it as her song. I looked it up on YouTube a few days later and I felt something. I showed Eric a few days later. He didn't say much during the song, and we got distracted before anything was said afterwards. It was only a week or two after that when the song came on and he called it our wedding song. And that was it. 

I found a spot for a wedding that I really liked before I ever booked the hotel. I requested information but didn't get a response so I forgot about it for a bit, but my mind kept going back to that place. When I cancelled the hotel, I called this new place, and when I didn't hear back 48 hours later, I sent an email. I finally heard back today. 

The price is great for what's included, which is the hall, bar, and a lot of accommodations. But in reality, it's more than we can afford. We haven't ruled it out, and we haven't actually sat down to talk about how much it will really cost. We're going to take a look at it Monday evening, and I'm half hoping that we don't like it as much, so it will encourage me to find something cheaper. 

I really don't want to love this place. 

Isn't it gorgeous though?