Just a bit of summer disappointment.

This might be a bad time to write, as I'm a little disappointed with something right now, so I'm wallowing a little bit. 

The past few days have been great crazy. Within the next month and a half, all of my friend will be home from.. well, all over the world. There's one from the other end of Canada, and even one who's been living in the Dominican, plus a couple more that don't live nearby anymore. 

We might even all be able to get together at my place on July 13th to have a reunion/baby shower for my friend who had a baby in March. 

It's all pretty exciting, but I'm disappointed. 

The last weekend in June we were supposed to go off-Island to visit friends. Eric, Chloe and I, taking another friend with us. I knew it was a long shot that Eric would get the time off work so last minute, and on Canada Day weekend, so I shouldn't be as disappointed as I am that he can't go that weekend. 

We can't change the date of the trip without missing out on seeing other friends, or having to go without the friend who was travelling with us. Still, I'm really sad to go without him. 

In the past couple of months we've had one day alone together, and one night. Not at the same time. We couldn't do much the night we were alone together because he worked that day, and first thing the next morning. The day we had off together we spent doing groceries and errands, and couldn't make real plans because we had to pick Madi up just after supper. Time alone just doesn't really exist. 

This will probably just be the first of many disappointments over the summer. Anything we want to do together we always need to find a babysitter for Madi, since she can't sleep at her Mom's. Every other weekend we'd also have to find a sitter for Chloe, on the weekends she's not with her father. 

It's like we'll never have any time together to do anything over the summer unless it's with the kids. 

I'd love to have just one weekend away, but I don't even want to think about it, because it would probably never end up happening anyway. 

Happy freaking Tuesday. 

Just rambling

Well here I am... actually sitting at home on my own computer. Blogging. Strange. 

Today was the day after payday, so although I got to spend my first weekend day alone with Eric, we spent most of the day doing errands and then some cleaning. 

Now we're home with just Madi, since Chloe is at her father's. It's snack time, and for once I don't need to make the snack and supervise it. I get to just sit around. It's nice. 

Also since it was payday, we stopped by Old Navy. My child clothing addiction store. I only shopped from the clearance section, so I got 4 things for $20. Skirt, shorts and a t-shirt for Chloe, and an outfit for my friend's baby. 

Sometimes I'm such a shopaholic. 

I'm not sure why I'm updating, as I really don't have much to say, but Monday might be another busy work day. I'm giving up my dinner theatre duties since they hired a girl to run the box office for the rest of the summer. After I train her tomorrow, things at work should be slow for a little while. Fingers crossed. 

Parenting in Blended Families is HARD

Let's get honest here for awhile. 

Sometimes this really isn't what I want. Two kids. 

I want 2-3 kids, I think I always have. But upon having Chloe, I wanted my first child to be my only kid for awhile. I wanted to spoil her, and teach her, and let her have all of my attention. 

I never would've imagine that at 18 months my only daughter would get an older sister. That I would get an older child. A child already shaped and molded by somebody else. A child with someone else's eyes and hair. Another child so different from me and my child. 

A child I would have to raise, with no previous mother to child bond. 

It's not what I wanted, or ever expected. 

I never expected to watch someone else parent my child. Someone so different from me. I never thought of how different it is to parent someone else's child, along with your own. Sometimes you find yourself wanting to be more strict with your own child, or maybe you find it easier to be strict with the other child. It's hard to find balance, especially with two kids so close in age, but also so far apart. 

You can't expect the same things from a 20 month old that you do of a 28 month old, but it's hard to know where to draw the line. 

There have been many, many days that I've wanted to give up. Some days I want to give up on the child, other times the relationship with her father. Never both. Something always makes me want to keep going, and I hope it always does. 

I spoke to someone just last night who knows a lot about our situation, and a lot about children of this age. 

She explained to me that though a lot of it might be hard, just think of how hard it was before. We're getting there. Things are getting easier. We've already laid the foundation for building 'security' with Madi. Stability. It might get harder, but it will also get easier. 

That's comforting. 

The hardest part is me. 

I can't stop comparing the girls. I can't make myself feel for Madi what I do for Chloe. I'm sure with time it will come. 

And our parenting styles. We are so different when it comes to parenting and that affects both our relationship and our relationships with both girls. I like control and consistency, while he likes to go with the flow and doesn't think about the consequences with most things he does. 

I am firm. If I threaten a time out, you'll get the time-out if you don't change the behavior. He threatens time out a lot more, and doesn't always follow through. When he disciplines his daughter, she laughs at him. This could be because when he should be disciplining her, he instead distracts her by playing with her. So now when he says no, she just remembers all the other times he says 'no', then throws her up in the air and makes her laugh. She associates doing something wrong with playing. When he tells her to go to him, she either throws a fit or runs away from him laughing. She doesn't do that with me. If she doesn't do what I want, like stay at the table until I wash her hands, I make her and she knows it's not a laughing matter. When I say no to something, there is minimal whining and crying between me and Madilynn. It is the opposite between her and her father. 

And he's the opposite with Chloe. He has no problem being firm with her. 

I know he knows there's a difference between what Madi is like with me, and what she's like with him around, but it's impossible for him to actually witness it. 

It makes things difficult all around for everyone. 

We had a quick, slight argument over it this morning. It's a hard thing to discuss and work out. 

It's not always right and wrong when it comes to parenting, so it makes it harder. 

(But if I had to choose I'd say he's wrong and I'm right!)

Chloe and her Quirks

Kids have so many quirks. I love it. 

I've noticed so many little things about Chloe lately. 

Like how she sticks her tongue out a little when she's feeling shy. 

She wakes up so happy almost always. And lately, she immediately asks for something. This morning it was a hat she saw in her closets, sometimes it's Madi. 

She needs to point out shoes. Always. She loves shoes. 

She has finally mastered the word 'mommy'. There's no more 'mama' it's all mommy, and she says it all the time. She has also noticed what things are mommy's - she knows iced coffees are mine. She points to them and says mommy. This morning my flip flops were near the back door. She pointed to them and said 'mommy shoes'.

She says so many words really well lately. 

She absolutely loves books. I'm glad she does. When she sees one, she wants it, and sometimes it's hard to get her to let go of it. She'll sit quietly and look through them. She isn't usually rough on them at all. I hope she continues to love them. 

She gets frustrated so easily these days when I can't figure out what she wants. She wanted a sweater on, so I put it on her. She wanted it zipped up, so I did it. Then she got mad when it was zipped, mad when it was unzipped. I just couldn't figure her out. Maybe she wanted to do it herself, but she gets mad because she can't do that either. 

She loves putting the dirty diapers in the garbage. If one of us just leaves one on the floor and she notices it, she'll drop what she's doing to bring it to the garbage. She also likes putting her sippy cup in the sink. 

She also likes to dump her plate onto the table. That quirk is a little less cute. 

And she thinks everything is a cracker - chips, cookies, crackers, cereal - and loves them all. 

She know Elmo, Dora the Explorer, and Backpack.

On June 4th she moved from the baby (toddler) room at daycare, into the slightly older toddler room. The one with the slide. She seemed hesitant to go in at first, but then took off running. I'm a little sad that she's moved, but now she gets a locker instead of just a hook on a wall. She shares a locker with a little girl named Marielle. Such a cute name.

While we're talking about Chloe, I want to throw in a few stats.

Like how she has a full mouth of teeth, and I didn't mark the dates they came in in her baby book.

She's in size 4 shoes, but some of them seem to be getting small (already!)

She's wearing a few 12-18 month clothing, but a lot more 18-24 and even some 2T. It's like she took a huge growth spurt. Just a couple of months ago she was still in size 6-12.

She's still in size 3 diapers, size 4 nighttime diapers. We have about two boxes of diapers in the closet and I think she'll be into size 4 by the time they're gone, or sooner.

She finally likes hats, and will mostly keep hers on her head. Sometimes she requests it for no real reason.

She still loves almost anything pasta, bread, cereal, anything that looks like a cracker, yogurt, cheese, potatoes, etc. She isn't very picky, but she still hates green and yellow beans (I don't blame her), frozen blueberries even when they're thawed, broccoli unless you mash it into something else.

She's been completely off the bottle for a few weeks now. She still has a sippy cup of milk at nap time and at bedtime. I know it'll be really hard to break that habit, but I'll deal with it later.

Overall, she's just so much fun. I miss her when I'm at work and she's at daycare. 

Kind of Silent Sunday

Today Chloe and I spent the day with Mom and her boyfriend and his family. It's always a great time, and we always feel so welcome. They all just love Chloe. I snapped a few cell pictures.