And it was like I didn't really matter

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We had our first... discussion?

Boyfriend stopped by on his way to work to drop something off that I left at his place. We were just talking for a few minutes about his friend probably moving out of town to go back home and such. 

And he's said it a million times, so this isn't new to me, but it felt different. 

He'd rather live where he's from, an hour away. When we first met, his ex was thinking of moving there because of the cheaper rent. He only moved here for his daughter, so obviously if his ex and daughter moved, he would follow. He told me that the first week we met, and although I felt no real attachment for him then, the words affected me a tiny bit. I didn't want to get to know him if he was going to leave. 

Obviously he didn't leave, I got to know him, fell for him. He mentioned how much he'd like to move a time or two since then, and while I didn't say anything then, once he had me pretty upset because of how seriously he was considering it. I lucked out, because in April he found a new apartment, moved there, and finally seems a bit happier about living in town. I'm finally not scared of him leaving.

But that doesn't change what he said. Just another situation where he's too honest for his own good. 

He said that if he didn't have his daughter he would move back there, visit me on weekends, days off and such. This idea, this whole discussion was hypothetical, because he has his daughter and she's not going anywhere, so he's stuck here. And then he left to go to work, literally seconds later, before I had a chance to even  react. 

Almost 5 months into our relationship shouldn't I at least mean enough that even in a hypothetical sense he'd at least give me a second thought before moving away? It bugged me. A lot. And I knew it would bug me all day if I didn't say anything, so before he got to work I sent him a text, saying how comforting it was to know that he'd move away in a heartbeat if given the chance. He explained that he used to feel that way, and sometimes in a lot of ways he still does, but he wouldn't want to give me up and I am his second reason for wanting to stay in town. And he apologized, and was great about it. And told me he's been thinking a lot about us living together someday. And it did make me feel better. 

But at the same time, every time I start to feel secure and think things couldn't get any better, there always has to be these little steps backwards. Then I start questioning his feelings and start wondering if I'm kind of alone in this. 

And I hate it. Cause I've never felt like this about anyone before. 

One Big Happy Family Sleepover Fail

It feels like it's always Monday. Every week just keeps flying by and it's always Monday. Recap day. And usually I can't even remember what I've done lately. And then I got so distracted I couldn't even finish this post until Tuesday. 

Hmm...

Friday was a gorgeous day. My friend Sarah and I took baby girl out for the afternoon. We walked around downtown and ate at one of our favorite spots. Baby girl seemed to be having a blast. We both went to bed pretty early since I had to work the next morning.

I had a super easy day at work. My phone was having too many issues so boyfriend dropped off his old Blackberry to me at work to be my new phone. I got to play with that all day, and still am learning how to use it but I love it so far. I never want to go back to a touchscreen keyboard. Ever. 

I was oh so tired, but let boyfriend come over after work. We ate some pizza, watched some tv and went to bed. The usual. He woke up around 7, and I tried to sleep but was awake until baby girl got up around 8:30. So I was crabby. 

He left to get his daughter and we met up at his place later on and took them grocery shopping. They played pretty good together most of the day. His daughter only trying to hit mine on the head with toys a good handful of times. He put the offer on the table for us all to spend the night at his place. Me, him, the two babies. I wasn't sure I wanted to try it at first, but I decided to put baby girl to sleep in his room (her playpen is always in my car anyway) and maybe take her home when I was ready for bed. 

Instead, we decided to try it. Baby girl kept me up for awhile, then his daughter made a noise that woke up my daughter, who cried and woke up his daughter. So I packed us up and left because I knew even if everyone else fell asleep, I probably never would. I went home and baby girl ended up sleeping right until morning. 

But... that being said we'd like to try again sometime, with a fan to block out some of the noise so I can at least sleep. And being able to just hang out with him without it being so late (since usually he works until late then comes over) was just nice. 

While I don't usually look forward too much to the days where we have two babies, I actually enjoyed it a lot. Normally I'd rather one baby at a time so it's not as hectic, but that's the craziness I signed up for when I started dating him. 

What I've Been Watching: Movies

Usually I watch way too many tv shows throughout the day/before bed. Kind of like background noise while I play with the baby or before I go to sleep. This past week or so I've been more into watching movies, which is a little unusual for me, but I've been enjoying it. Here's what I've seen so far: 

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Dear John

Girl and guy meet, guy is in the army so he's leaving in two weeks and she's going back to college. Of course they fall in love, write letters, he ends up having to stay long than expected. It puts a strain on things. 

Wow, finally a Nicholas Sparks movie that wasn't completely predictable and didn't really depress me. I knew I'd enjoy the movie, I just figured it would end with me being sad. 

8/10

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Remember Me

Guy has a bad experience with a cop, finds out he has a daughter and his friend convinces him to meet the daughter. I forget what their original intentions with her were, probably to get back at the cop, but either way they date, of course. She lost her mother, he lost his brother so they bond over that. 

Definitely not an ending I was expecting. It's a really easy movie to get into, and is really good once, but I'm not sure I'd watch it a second time. 

7/10

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The Other Woman

I like Natalie Portman. In this one, she steals another woman's husband, they get married, have a baby, lose the baby. She's all depressed after losing the baby (of course) but takes it out on everyone, including the man's son from his former marriage. 

This movie was pretty sad. Only because I have a baby girl of my own so all kinds of sad thoughts were running through my head as I watched it. I liked the ending. Not the fairytale ending, but still kind of perfect. 

7/10

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13 Going on 30

This movie I think is aimed at a slightly younger crowd than me, but it's just my type. 13 year old girl wishes she was 30, so boom she wakes up and she's 30. She finds her former best friend from when she was 13, but he's about to marry someone else. She finds out how horrible of a person she's been since she was 13. 

It's a cute, feel-good movie. The thriller dance-off is my favorite. I live for those super unrealistic dancing movie scenes. 

8/10


Have you been watching anything good lately? 

The Words Were Finally Said

I had a wonderful weekend. Made even more wonderful when I heard similar words come out of boyfriend's mouth last night. 

I left baby girl with a new babysitter (hello nerves) Friday night while I went to work. The babysitter was late, a huge strike in my book, but her and Chloe seemed to get along really well. I had my sweater on, about to leave work, when boyfriend walked in. He was just getting off work too, even though he was supposed to be done two hours before. He was a little stressed so he asked to come over, then met me back home with food. We were quick to sleep that night, and off he went to work again in the morning. In the same clothes. Kind of like a less dirty walk of shame. 

I did a couple of groceries during the day since we had supper plans that night. He made burgers while I made potatoes and we both tried to get baby girl to sleep. She wasn't having it, so she had late supper with us before I finally got her to bed. Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch on me, so we had another night of just tv and sleep. 

On Sunday baby girl went to her father's. I stopped by boyfriend's place on my way home to relax for a few minutes before I went into cleaning mode. His 17 month old daughter was there and blew me a kiss when I was leaving. I cleaned the apartment and rearranged furniture like it was nobody's business. 

When boyfriend dropped off his girl, he came to my place, and we picked up Chloe. She went to bed easily (for once) so boyfriend cooked some store bought cookie dough and we ate cookies and chips while we watched Dexter. It was a nice night, where both of us were in good moods and feeling playful. Sometimes it's so nice to just be with him. 

We eventually went to bed, and sometime in the dark, in the wee Monday morning hours he told me he thinks he's falling in love with me. I told him I thought so, too. 

It was a lie. 

I know I am. I've felt that way for awhile now. 

Since I have no other photos yet of boyfriend and I,
here's one instead of my cutie's new favorite sleeping position

Silent Sunday: Rearranging the Furniture Day